Find Good In Every Day

One mom's attempt at finding good in every day of this chaotic world.

Mom Challenge – Day 16 December 17, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 11:42 am

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 16

Picture your child at age 25.  Mother with that end in mind today.

When I think of my kids as adults, there are several adjectives that come to mind.

Compassionate

Charitable

Loving

Kind

Hard working

Happy

Courageous

Helpful

I am often feeling scared that my kids will not turn out the way I want them to.  But then I have to remember that they are only 7 and 4, and there is plenty of time.  And then I take an even closer look and realize that they are wonderful children.  When I worry, I need to remember that they are kids being kids.

Last night, Cooper was going crazy with a bat and a hockey stick – swinging them around, hitting himself with them, just being crazy.  (And of course, this was all happening while trying to Skype with Nana and Papa!)  I told him to settle down and that I was worried he would hurt himself.  Jeremy had to remind me that he is a boy.  He has a penis, and therefore that penis will lead him to do stupid and crazy stuff.  Is this really what I have to keep telling myself?

And then with Mason, she gets so emotional and often selfish, and I’m so worried of where that will take her in her teenage and young adult years.  But the reality is that I was the same way.  And I think I’m a pretty decent adult, so there is hope.  I just need to be patient.

So to “mother” with the intent of having my kids grow into the adjectives I listed above, I need to be patient.  But mostly I need to model those behaviors.  They watch us so intently, and so as parents, we need to be the role models of those adjectives.  It’s not always easy, but it will definitely be worth it in the end when we can see what wonderful young adults they have become!

Advertisements
 

Mom Challenge – Day 15 December 15, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 10:10 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 15

Be firm when needed, but not harsh.

This has been a challenge of mine for a while.  For the past couple of weeks, I have been doing really well with not yelling when I’m frustrated with the kids.  It’s been hard, and I certainly have broken down a couple of times when I had been pushed to the limit.  The key with not yelling, though, is to still get your point across.  How can you let them know you mean business without yelling?  I’ve learned it’s often in “the look.”  Oh yes, I have a look.  And Mason and Cooper know it pretty well.  “The look” paired with a firm tone of voice is the best combination.  I’ve been perfecting it lately.

I didn’t need to use “the look” much today, though.  We had a really great day – low-key and with lots of holiday spirit.  All of us are battling colds and the flu, so it was a slow morning.  Jeremy had to work a lot, and I spent tons of time in the kitchen baking for teachers.  Mason and Cooper spent time watching TV, playing together, playing separately, helping me, shopping with Jeremy…  It was a great day!  We went out to a quick dinner and then to see some pretty Christmas lights around town.  Now the kids are sleeping, and I have finished wrapping all the presents.  (Go me!)  My patience has not been tested today.  “The look” has stayed at bay.  And I wonder how long it will last.  Will I get more time to test it tomorrow?  Only time will tell.

 

Mom Challenge – Day 14 December 14, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 11:08 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 14

Remember: being a mother is a gift.

It’s true.  I am blessed to have the kids I have.  In light of today’s shooting in Connecticut, I am going to leave it at that.  Having my kids here with me tonight is indeed a very wonderful gift.  And my thoughts and prayers go out to all the families affected by this unimaginable event.

 

Mom Challenge – Day 13 December 13, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 8:00 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 13

Do not criticize your child today.

I really thought this was going to be a hard one.  I think I got lucky, though.  Mason is not feeling that great, and Cooper doesn’t stop talking, so there was really no room for me to be critical.  I did force myself to think about WHY I thought it would be hard.  Obviously I think I criticize my kids too much.  I don’t think I’m giving out blatant criticism, but I do have a critical eye on things.

“Is that what you’re going to wear today?”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to do it this way instead?”

“Why are you so picky about food?”

“You’re being very mean.”

“I can’t believe you are not getting it.”

That’s my critical eye.  I hold my kids to high standards.  I have to keep remembering that they are only 4 and 7.  They have a lot of time to learn and grow and become who they want to be.  And it should be up to them, not me.  So I’ve realized I need to wear shades over my critical eyes.  I’m going to bite my tongue if I can catch it in time.  I’m going to dole out praise instead.  Didn’t our own parents and grandparents teach us that if we don’t have anything nice to say, to not say it at all?  Isn’t that the same lesson I’m trying to teach my own children?  And isn’t there something about the golden rule – “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  I do not like being criticized.  I shudder at the thought of someone not liking me or thinking ill of me.  I would never want my own children to feel the way I do when someone is criticizing me.  It’s a horrible feeling.

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to learn this lesson today by doing the wrong thing and wanting a do-over.  I was able to learn it through introspection and thought.  And now I will carry this new wisdom with me into tomorrow.  (Hey, maybe my prayers were answered!)

 

Mom Challenge – Day 12 December 12, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 9:13 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 12

Pray for wisdom.

I consider myself a spiritual person, but I’m not very religious.  I do pray for things, though, so when this challenge came up, I gave it a try.  Obviously things don’t work quite that fast, so I have not been given all-knowing wisdom for being a mom yet.  I don’t think any mom has all the answers, though.  (No matter how much we pray for them.)  And that’s ok.  We have to learn along the way.

Tonight I had to teach Mason (yet again) about consequences.  I told her that consequences happen when mistakes are made.  But the consequences are the lesson.  By having them, we learn from our mistakes.  I won’t go into all the details, but I make mistakes daily.  And I learn from them.  That’s where my mothering wisdom comes from.  While a lot of it comes from the heart, most of it comes from trial and error.  Sometimes I wish I knew all the answers ahead of time, but what fun would that be?  So I’ll continue to pray for wisdom, but I’ll also keep reminding myself that being insightful is recognizing your mistakes and learning from them.  And that insight is exactly what I’ll need for tomorrow’s challenge.  It’s a big one!

 

Mom Challenge – Day 11 December 11, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 6:10 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 11

Tell your child, “I am so glad you are my son/daughter.”

I said it.  They smiled.  I kissed the tops of their heads.  That was about it with the love fest.  I didn’t get any proclamations that they are so glad I am their mother.  I didn’t get an “I love you.”  Just a smile.  And that’s ok.  As parents you have to take love in many different forms.  It’s about actions, not necessarily words.  And that goes both ways.  So by telling my kids that I am so glad they are mine is nice, but I need to show them.  I need to make sure my actions are saying the same thing.

When you have one child who is going through a rough patch and another child who is in a very loving and good behavior phase, it’s hard to show equal amounts of love to each of them.  That doesn’t mean there is a favorite child; it just means that one is more challenging than the other and may get a more positive reaction.  Does positive behavior get as much attention as negative behavior?  I like to think it does.  In our house, we really reward positive behavior with encouragement and positive feedback.  Negative behavior, on the other hand…  Well, let’s just say we’re still trying to figure that out.  We’ve tried ignoring it.  We’ve tried showing an over abundance of love and attention (since most bad behavior is really to get our attention.)  We’ve tried talking it through.  We’ve tried time outs.  We’ve tried everything.  I can’t say one specific thing works in our house, so we really have to evaluate the situation, the child’s actions and their reactions to what we’re doing.  Parenting is always a “fly by the seat of your pants” kind of job.  I’m 7 years in, and I’m still trying to figure it out.

What I have learned is that my actions need to be louder than my words.  (And definitely not the other way around because loud words in this house = yelling, which = 5 cents in our Sad Face Jar.)  I TOLD my children that I am so glad they are mine, but I will be working for the rest of our lives to SHOW them.  That’s what this challenge taught me today, and I’m tucking it in my pocket of parenting wisdom, which I’ll be discussing further with tomorrow’s challenge – Pray for wisdom.  Stay tuned!

 

Mom Challenge – Day 10 December 10, 2012

Filed under: Daily Blog — Robin @ findgoodineveryday @ 6:16 pm

30 Day Mom Challenge

Day 10

Today’s mom focus: Joy

Joy often comes in the smallest packages.  It’s rare that absolutely everything goes well on one given day.  But if you focus on all the little things, then that ho-hum day can become spectacular.  This was one of the main reasons I started this blog.  Knowing that my days are never perfect, but there are wonderful moments, and I must treasure those.

Today started out pretty bad.  I felt it could only go up from there.  There wasn’t a sharp turn towards the better, but more like a slow incline.  Now here I am at 6:10pm…  the house is quiet yet I have two kids home and hungry.   Cooper is watching Ninjago on the iPad; Mason was playing on the American Girl website but is now upstairs playing by herself; and I am cooking dinner (and writing this post) in peace.  That is my joy today.  Like I said, it can come in the smallest of packages, but this 15 minutes or however long it will last is going to be my biggest gift of the day.  No fighting, no authority challenges, no incessant questions…  Just peace and quiet.  This joy is recharging my soul, my attitude, and my perspective on the day.  All is good.