That is what I keep having to tell myself every single day. Just breathe. Time is moving fast. Work is taking over. I’ve lost control, and I just need to breathe.
I think I mentioned before that I have never been this busy or worked this hard in my life. Since our company was acquired by a billion dollar company with over 5,000 employees (compared to our 20), I have taken over a lot more responsibilities that seem to all require immediate attention. It’s insane! Part of me loves being busy and loves learning new things, but part of me hates it every single day. It’s a struggle to go to work in the morning, and I’m not used to that. I don’t know if I hate my job or just the circumstances. I hope the latter… and I hope they change.
The hardest part of all of this is just the loss of control. I used to have control of work – I knew the systems. I knew the people. I was the one who could answer almost any question. I was the one people came to for help. Now I don’t know the systems. I am meeting new people every day. I am the one asking tons of questions. And when people come to me for help, I rarely know the answer or I’m making it up and hoping I’m right.
I used to have control at home – I knew where our money was going. I knew what my kids were doing. I sent birthday cards in time. I made meal plans. I was eager to entertain with friends and family. Now I rarely check our Mint.com account, so let’s hope we don’t go in the negative. I feel separated from my kids and what they’re doing. I’m lucky if I get birthday cards out at all. Dinners are spontaneous and poorly planned. And I feel very disconnected from friends and family because of our crazy schedule.
All of this is hard to handle for someone like me. I need control. I need organization. I need to know what I’m doing and where I’m going. I need to breathe.
I know things will get better. Or at least I’m really hoping they do. I know I can get control. But I just don’t know how soon. Not only is Mason starting kindergarten in two weeks, but we’ll be moving our office within the next couple of months. Life as we know it in our 2 mile radius during the week is about to change. My 2-block commute is about to get much longer. I’m excited, but nervous about what is ahead.
Now I hope this doesn’t sound like a big blog of complaints. I don’t feel like I have the energy to complain. I am just telling my feelings, my thoughts. Maybe I’m giving excuses – for why I’m not calling you or emailing you or writing more blogs. Maybe I just needed to vent. But mostly, I just needed to take a minute and breathe.